Posts tagged mental health
Repeat after me...

So, here’s the thing my therapist tells me that I’ve literally been saying on repeat in my head ALL DAY.
“It’s just a bad time in your life, sweet girl. not a bad lifetime.”
It was just an awful day, only one terrible day out of the last 13 days since getting my implant. Those are a lot better odds than what I was working with before!

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I had to take a break.

Brain: No. Don't do that thing you feel like it's important to do. It will be fine. The world won't stop spinning. Also brain: You should feel horrible about not doing that thing! Now everyone is going to be disappointed in you and they'll never want to read your blog again!

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EMDR & trauma therapy for PTSD

We don't have to drown in the shame of it any longer.If you've been 'afraid to go there' through talk therapy (CBT) or EMDR, please believe me when I say it's probably not as bad as you imagine and definitely not as bad as whatever trauma you lived through in the first place. 

You deserve to heal.

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Protecting our subconscious

My therapist calls 'should' a 'church word.' She says we go around 'shoulding' ourselves all the time, and it has an unhealthy impact on our subconscious, because by saying we should be doing something that we don't want to do, or that isn't in our best interests, maybe because of some misplaced desire to be polite, we are telling our subconscious that our needs come last.

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I am Kelly Nerdzilla Mendenhall

I am Kelly Nerdzilla Mendenhall. I am an author, entrepreneur, and love terrorist living with chronic pain and invisible illness. I help other badass unicorns, like myself, break away from 'tradition' and create a life and career that honors their special needs and limitations.

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Serotonin Syndrome is scary AF

But what is happening to me? I had zero reflexes in my left legs and my pupils weren't responding to light, I was falling over, the pain was intense because at this point I was like 12+ hours without any meds, and my blood pressure was up to like 191/87 at one point.

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I'm sorry I ghosted

Tomorrow, Friday, I head in for lumbar facet injections bright and early in the morning. The purpose is twofold: It will, hopefully, help with the pain in my low back and maybe some of my leg pain.

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My very own Christmas miracle: How I met Dr. Unicorn

"I can't promise you that everything I try will work. I can promise you that if I try something and it doesn't work, I will keep trying new things, and I won't just give up and tell you to find another doctor.”

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Musings of a thankful heart

As I look out upon the horizon of another twelve months, I wish for myself that I remember to say, "Fuck the haters." May I only take time for the Yay-Sayers and remember that I can't take worry to the bank, so I need not worry about what others think of me / my business / my story.

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What happens when I am paingry

I am normally a very loving, kind person. I may say things super bluntly (especially for southerners) and I definitely say "fuck" a whole lot, but I'm kind. My friends actually call me the Love Terrorist. It started with my friend Lisa and I owned it and now it's just a thing.

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Anxiety spirals

I have done a lot of hard work in therapy throughout my adult life. I've had two therapists especially who I credit with helping me to make my biggest breakthroughs so that I could function as a healthy (albeit imperfect) adult. Because of all of this hard work I am generally able to maintain my moods and emotional well-being with extremely low doses of a particular medication and a heaping mountain of self awareness and self-care practices (thanks social worker friends!) Diet and exercise also play a roll.

Throwing chronic pain into my mix, though...I didn't see that freight train coming, y'all.

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A port in my storm

There was a period in early June, before my doctor and I got the Gabapentin to levels that made a significant impact in which everything is a blur and I lost chunks of whole days because my brain dissociated. Pain that intense creates a sort of mental prison that the sufferer can get trapped and lost in. At least that was the case for me. There were times when I was home alone or at night when I needed to be sleeping and the pain was so intense and sustained such high levels that I would be crying and wishing for escape, thinking, "If this is what life is going to feel like long term, I don't want to live."

I was lucky because I never had to be alone for very long.

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