I decided it was time to dust off my blog, get fucking serious about it this time, and keep up with posting weekly. I decided that I would start that today, by sharing this old post. I guess I feel like I need this reminder and divine kick in the ass, and you may all need a reminder too, about why I started this blog in the first place.Read More
So, here’s the thing my therapist tells me that I’ve literally been saying on repeat in my head ALL DAY.
“It’s just a bad time in your life, sweet girl. not a bad lifetime.”
It was just an awful day, only one terrible day out of the last 13 days since getting my implant. Those are a lot better odds than what I was working with before!
Brain: No. Don't do that thing you feel like it's important to do. It will be fine. The world won't stop spinning. Also brain: You should feel horrible about not doing that thing! Now everyone is going to be disappointed in you and they'll never want to read your blog again!Read More
We don't have to drown in the shame of it any longer.If you've been 'afraid to go there' through talk therapy (CBT) or EMDR, please believe me when I say it's probably not as bad as you imagine and definitely not as bad as whatever trauma you lived through in the first place.
You deserve to heal.Read More
My therapist calls 'should' a 'church word.' She says we go around 'shoulding' ourselves all the time, and it has an unhealthy impact on our subconscious, because by saying we should be doing something that we don't want to do, or that isn't in our best interests, maybe because of some misplaced desire to be polite, we are telling our subconscious that our needs come last.Read More
Unlike other cannabinoids such as tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), CBD does not produce a euphoric "high" or psychoactive effect. This is because CBD does not affect the same receptors as THC.Read More
I am Kelly Nerdzilla Mendenhall. I am an author, entrepreneur, and love terrorist living with chronic pain and invisible illness. I help other badass unicorns, like myself, break away from 'tradition' and create a life and career that honors their special needs and limitations.Read More
But what is happening to me? I had zero reflexes in my left legs and my pupils weren't responding to light, I was falling over, the pain was intense because at this point I was like 12+ hours without any meds, and my blood pressure was up to like 191/87 at one point.Read More
I want to be an unstoppabl einfluence. I want to help others while learning and growing myself -- ideally, I'd like to make enough money to pay my bills while doing it. That's not something that's impossible, it's just not something I believe I could have achieved had I continued to feel trapped and oppressed in a traditional work setting.Read More
I said many, many f-words, in a variety of ways and sentences. I apologized, of course, for the fact that my mouth turns into that of a seasoned ex-con working at a tattoo shop (yep, believe it or not, I'm familiar) and they forgave me. The doctor and nurse insisted that it was nothing they don't hear every day.Read More
Tomorrow, Friday, I head in for lumbar facet injections bright and early in the morning. The purpose is twofold: It will, hopefully, help with the pain in my low back and maybe some of my leg pain.Read More
"I can't promise you that everything I try will work. I can promise you that if I try something and it doesn't work, I will keep trying new things, and I won't just give up and tell you to find another doctor.”Read More
The short story is that my doctor is an assclown and refused to call the clinician from UNUM back about my disability claim because he thought I was trying to get put on PERMANENT Disability, and scam the government.Read More
As I look out upon the horizon of another twelve months, I wish for myself that I remember to say, "Fuck the haters." May I only take time for the Yay-Sayers and remember that I can't take worry to the bank, so I need not worry about what others think of me / my business / my story.Read More
Never let anyone else write your story. Don't let them decide who you are and what your truth is. Most people in my position don't have the financial resources to access a lawyer, or the wherewithal to know that it might be worth fighting a decision like this.Read More
DISCLAIMERS:I am not a medical or legal professional. The information provided in this blog is anecdotal and is not medical advice. I am telling you MY story. My story and experiences may be different from yours.Read More
I am normally a very loving, kind person. I may say things super bluntly (especially for southerners) and I definitely say "fuck" a whole lot, but I'm kind. My friends actually call me the Love Terrorist. It started with my friend Lisa and I owned it and now it's just a thing.Read More
I have done a lot of hard work in therapy throughout my adult life. I've had two therapists especially who I credit with helping me to make my biggest breakthroughs so that I could function as a healthy (albeit imperfect) adult. Because of all of this hard work I am generally able to maintain my moods and emotional well-being with extremely low doses of a particular medication and a heaping mountain of self awareness and self-care practices (thanks social worker friends!) Diet and exercise also play a roll.
Throwing chronic pain into my mix, though...I didn't see that freight train coming, y'all.Read More
For a long time I accepted my meager earnings as "part of the deal." In exchange for the opportunity to do life-changing, world-changing work I had to suck it up and make less money. After some years, though, acceptance turned into deep resentment and I stopped dreaming, stopped looking to the future. I was just trying to survive, and just barely doing so.
I invested in my business days before Thanksgiving in 2016. I haven't looked back since.Read More
The simple secret of loving someone or interacting with someone who has an invisible illness and/or chronic pain, is this: "That really sucks. I'm sorry that you're dealing with that, it sounds like Hell. Is there anything I can do to help?"Read More