Turning a mess into a message...two years later.

The post copied below popped up in my FB memories yesterday. Two years ago on May 19 I was anticipating an upcoming MRI and assumed I’d get some answers out of it. I had no idea what was coming for me — how could I? Never could have guessed that two years later we’d still be searching for answers⁣ and that I’d be a cyborg now.⁣

I also couldn’t have guessed we’d lose both Rosebud and Buster within the same 12 months or that I’d just now be seeing a light at the end of the tunnel financially. (Props to my lawyers, Seth Holliday and Susan Clasbey.)

I also definitely didn’t think my first book would be just weeks away from full launch or that I’d be weeks away from performing a podcast I hadn’t even dreamed up yet, live, for the first time. ⁣Turning a mess into a message started right here with this post, two years ago when I made this post and let everyone know just how bad my pain had gotten.

I decided it was time to dust off my blog, get fucking serious about it this time, and keep up with posting weekly. I decided that I would start that today, by sharing this old post. ⁣I guess I feel like I need this reminder and divine kick in the ass, and you may all need a reminder too, about why I started this blog in the first place.

Thanks for indulging me.


Facebook post: May 19, 2017.

I’m gonna get real for a minute Y’All. Everything is great with Nathan and the fur babes, and the house and my side hustle is BANGIN, and I have so much to be thankful for and celebrate... and I do, and I share it with everyone because I really have tried this year to be more positive and surround myself with positive people and people who help me grow. I share it because I want people to know there’s more to life than the 9-5 grind and stress and whatever and it feels good to celebrate with you all! But it’s not all rainbows and unicorns.

My spine rehab has gone GREAT. I started crooked and twisted and a hot damn mess, and now I can run up and down stairs and do 45 mins on the elliptical and walk the dog up the giant hills in the park, and that’s AMAZING. But the past few weeks my sciatica has been INSANE. Worst it’s ever been. And I’ve spent at least 50% of every day this week at pain levels of 10, not to mention the two weeks before. I’m trying so hard to keep it together, but I started to crack. The pain has been, well, kind of literally driving me insane. I’ve cried like a gazillion times in frustration. It’s obvious that something is happening with my nerve, that isn’t necessarily something *I* can fix and conquer on my own.

I’m sharing this to say to anyone who thinks that all the rainbows and unicorns you see in your newsfeed are indicators that everyone has it or does it better than you -- that’s not all there is. 

Thanks for reading/listening, I love you guys.