My first vlog is about my doctor being an idiot.

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So, I did a thing yesterday. I went LIVE on Facebook and told the story of my doctor's appointment this week, and the next steps to come in my journey to physical wellness. I even cry near the end. (So embarrassing.)

I did it by video because I honestly am so overwhelmed with emotion about this most recent doctor's visit that I didn't have energy to type it all out in a way that was coherent.

The short story is that my doctor is an assclown and refused to call the clinician from UNUM back about my disability claim because he thought I was trying to get put on Permanent Social Security Disability, and he thought it was premature.

Also, I have another MRI scheduled for today at 11AM and I see the neurologist on 12/21. There's a possibility that there may be something happening with my SI joint/pelvis/hip.

After I was done crying on camera, my friend Calista (also a blogger) came to pick me up, along with her two awesome kiddos, and took me for delicious GF treats and coffee at The Dotted Lime and then to Walmart to shop for clothes.

Stop. Don't judge me. I can feel some of you judging me.

As a political scientist -- oh crap, you don't know that, because I've never talked about it before...

...yes, I was in Model UN (Dungeons and Dragons for academic nerds) and presented academic papers at conferences in the Midwest and I argued with people about the merits of Capitalism versus Communism versus Monarchy, etc...

As a political scientist who generally gets all riled up about socio-political issues, I have a rule to not shop at Walmart.

As a person who has been out of "day job" work for seven months, can't drive herself more than a few miles, is 6 ft tall and "plus sized," and who can't regularly wear blue jeans or other types of pants because it is too painful, etc.

Welp, I shopped at fucking Walmart. Sue me.

I needed something warm that I could go out into public in on the bad days because it turns out that it is Winter right now and yoga capris ain't cutting it.

Also, all of these periods of good mobility and bad mobility and emotional eating, try as I might to avoid it, have caused my weight to fluctuate a lot over the past seven months! I didn't want to buy a bunch of expensive clothes that I won't need (God willing) next year.

I had a $100-ish budget in my head and I felt guilty even thinking of spending that much because my amazingly supportive and caring boyfriend is completely supporting the household right now, outside of my skin care income.

(Yes, my business is skin care, in case you haven't yet found my links. While my business has grown amazingly well in its first year, it is not yet able to completely replace my day job income. These medical bills aren't shrinking themselves, either, let me just say that!)

I digress. Walmart.

4 pairs warm sweatpants (that are long enough for my Amazonian legs,) 3 long-sleeved graphic tees, 2 sets of pajamas (shirts and pants) and 10 pairs of undies.

$108.

I’m torn between guilt for shopping at Walmart and a new, clearer understanding of why people shop at Walmart.

I’m also super comfortable right now, and warm, and thankful that I have friends like Calista who will pile the kids in the car and come pick me up on a wintry day to go shopping for comfortable warm clothes.

P.s. One of my pajama sets has cupcakes and coffee and things all over the pants and the shirt, with a Santa coffee cup says, “Fa La la la latte.” If being a basic white girl is wrong then I don’t need to be right.

Don’t hate me ‘cause you ain’t me.

Thanks for indulging me.