Musings of a thankful heart


Ahhh the holidays. The year-end time for obligatory self-reflection and introspection on the year that has passed us by so quickly and yet So. Damn. Slowly. for anyone who has experienced any great stressors.

2017 has been a super interesting year for me.

Interesting and challenging, as well as painful.

November 22 marked one year since I first started my business. The day I signed on with my mentor and business partner, Toby, I had absolutely no idea what the next twelve months would bring. There was no way to predict.

I signed on in the evening, after a full day at work.

I was using an old laptop and my phone to try to enroll and it was taking forever, and I remember thinking to myself, "Am I crazy for starting a business when I can't even afford a tablet or a laptop and will have to run it primarily on my smart phone?"

I kept apologizing to Toby for the wait, as he was on the phone with me, walking me through the process.

I nearly vomited from nerves and excitement. It was the scariest and most exciting thing I'd done in many years.

(Another experience with similar excitement and terror was my trip to London in 2007. It was my first time flying and I was scared to death. Flew all the way to London from Detroit with no stops, that trip took a lot of medication to get through.)

While on the phone that night I remember telling Toby that I didn't have any huge, grandiose plans in mind for my business... "It would be nice to just make a few hundred dollars a month," I said.

I think that came from fear. I didn't trust myself to succeed, or I didn't think I deserved high level success... I'm still sorting that out.

I started to exceed my own expectations quickly and some amazing things started happening as my business grew.

I got my confidence back.

I got my creativity back.

I got my determination to live an extraordinary life back.

I regained self-respect.

I didn't see that coming, I have to be honest with you.

I became a writer again, instead of being a person who used to write while dreaming of being a writer.

Why didn't I realize back then that the act of writing made me a writer, and I didn't have to prove anything to anyone? Why was I so afraid to chase my own success? That's an onion we can peel layers off of some other time.

I also didn't anticipate the relationships I would gain as a result of joining Toby in business.

I'm not just talking about people who are pretty nice to work with, here. I'm talking about family, and not just the folks on my direct team but women and men, scattered all over the country, whom I work and grow with every single day.

(That's the power of technology... we live in the future and the future is rad.)

Beyond the relationships I have within my own organization I have met and developed genuine friendships with at least half a dozen people just because we got to talking one day.

Usually, I meet these folks through some entrepreneur or marketing group that we are both members of. Sometimes the conversation is sparked on Instagram and just keeps going and growing.

How freaking cool is that?!

I never would have met any of these folks who cheer for me and empower me and life me up every single day if I had kept saying no instead of yes, to Toby. 

It's hard for me to wrap my mind around that because I can't imagine life without all of these new friends and framily. (See what I did there?)

It takes so much energy to just exist when you are living with chronic pain (or other chronic/invisible illnesses) and for the past twelve months, I have experienced a steady outpouring of love, support, random love-bombs in the mail, etc. like nothing I have ever experienced before.

Friends new and old have cried with me over defeats and rejoiced with me triumphs, followed my business and blog... I am incredibly thankful.

It takes the sting out of the fear that comes with losing one's primary source of income and decent health, all the same six month period.

As I look out upon the horizon of another twelve months, I wish for myself that I remember to say, "Fuck the haters." May I only take time for the Yay-Sayers and remember that I can't take worry to the bank, so I need not worry about what others think of me / my business / my story.

(You know I'm writing a book, right? Telling some parts of my story legit makes me feel like I'm standing naked on a stage with nothing between me and the audience but the microphone. It ain't pretty.)

In this next twelve months, I hope that I can do for others what Toby has done for me: Breathe life back into dreams.

May I remember that it doesn't matter what doctor's and specialists say -- they don't write my story. I write my story, and I know my truth, which is that my pain is very real, very debilitating, and unacceptable.

I will not accept that I have to spend the rest of my life in this much pain. 

Neither should you.

"Forgive yourself for accepting less than you deserve but don't do it again." -Origin Unknown

So then, Thanks-Giving...

I am thankful for my network, an eclectic collection of relationships comprised of the most loving, talented, creative, brilliant, and supportive folks on the planet.

I am thankful to feel inspired again.

I am thankful to serve as inspiration for others.

(Though it still feels a little awkward to be told that... I never know how to respond.)

I am thankful that I can offer any and all of these experiences to anyone and everyone else, to you. Thanks to Toby, I have all of the tools and resources at hand and all you need is to be coachable, committed, and consistent.

If this or any of my other posts speak to you, please reach out.